Getting my life back

I have officially been on Jillian Michael's fitness program for 2 weeks now. I have seen some amazing results already - not necessarily all on the scale, but more importantly in my outlook and feeling of self.

When I first started out, it was really difficult to get through her workouts. They are intense, and my exercise tolerance has been low for years and years. For quite a long time I had some health issues which caused my body to be less than fit. I had no exercise tolerance because of some deficiencies and to make matters worse, I didn't sweat - like at all. You know those people you hear about that spontaneously combust...yeah, that could have been me. For real. So exercise was difficult to manage to say the least.

This time last year, I took steps to put my body back on track which included surgery. After recovery and a few months to get my body's stuff regulated, I finally felt like doing things. One of the biggest accomplishements of the year was going to Wales and England for 10 days of vigorous hiking this summer. I never would have gotten through this in the condition I was in prior to the surgery. I did it even though my exercise tolerance still hadn't completely come back. This was a huge leap for me though - just making it through the trip!!

Now, at close to a year post-op, I am doing this very intense workout plan (for me!!) and actually getting through it! Not only am I making it through, but I feel great afterwards! And the extra bonus? I am finally sweating again! I know, I know...who would be excited about that? Well, try getting your heart rate up to 150 without sweating and see how you feel! You feel like you are going to explode, that's how you feel.

So...back to Jillian Kicking my ass - I'm celebrating 2 weeks on her program and I feel great! My confidence is soaring, I feel like I look better (not necessarily saying thinner - because that's not the end-all goal here) and I just feel Good! I have energy, I look forward to my workouts and I am eating good, whole, organic foods.

I have also (in the last 3 days) started using GNC's WellBEing line of vitamins and supplements for women. The jury is still out on those, but so far, they seem to be making a difference. I decided to go with the combo pack which includes the multi-vitamin and supplements for beauty (skin, nails, hair heatlh), flexibility and a few others. They aren't cheap, but I am worth it. :)

Today is my rest day on the workout schedule - so it seemed a perfect day to blog... =] Happy Tuesday!!

Getting on the path to wellness

What does wellness look like?

This is a question I have been asking myself. I am rededicated to this elusive notion of wellness, but I can't seem to define what it is for me. I am able to define some of the components or maybe the vehicles to this - but the end result still eludes me.

These things I know:

1. I need to eat whole foods whenever possible. These should be organic as much as possible also and local if possible. The meat I want to consume is harvested by my hunter-husband or bought from a responsible farm with free range chickens and grass-fed beef. I know this is good for my body, mind and spirit and the body, mind and spirit of others I feed.
2. I need to be aware of what and how much food I am putting in to my body. I need to count calories at first until I get a sense of what my body actually Needs for fuel. Then, I know that as long as I stay Aware of my food choices, my intuition will kick in on portions and food groups after I have made it a habit. I know this is good for my body, mind and spirit.
3. I need to exercise. My body needs conditioned. For far too long, I was handcuffed by a malfunctioning system. I have taken steps to correct that and there is no reason for me to Not get adequate exercise now that my body will tolerate it. Exercise is good for my body, mind and spirit.
4. I know that the weight I am currently at is not the healthy weight for me. I am uncomfortable doing regular tasks - and especially some exercises. I am not conditioned well and I know that part of the reason is excess weight. Being at a healthy weight will be good for my body, mind and spirit.
5. I need to have a daily spiritual practice. This is crucial in supporting the other things I have to do. Making time for my meditations and other spiritual work is as important as fuel and exercise for my body. When I have good daily spiritual practice, I am in balance and this is good for my body, mind and spirit.
6. I need a support system. I need buddies to hold me accountable. I need to share my battles won and lost, the steps forward and the setbacks. This is good for my body, mind and spirit.
7. I need adequate down time. All repair, healing and adjustment takes place in periods of rest. Rest is good for my body, mind and spirit.

As these things all become habit, I believe I will approach the Wellness I seek. Until then, I will just have to trust that it is out there - waiting for me.

The path of a Mother in Priestess training

Wow. This is hard. As a mother, I want to fix problems for my children - whether they are adults or not. But as I have learned over the last several years - that is not my place in the universe. There are lessons that they must experience and solutions that they must find. It had always gone against my protective nature to allow this to happen.

I find myself, more and more, drawing upon my faith and my experience in the Avalonian Tradition to guide me through counseling my children on the issues they face in life. I no longer react as the mother wolf and jump in to fix it. Instead, I let that initial knee-jerk reaction flow through me. I acknowledge it and am thankful for those emotions, but it does not rule me any longer. I am now finding myself pausing for a breath, reaching for my mantle and seeking the sovereign woman within to provide the counsel that my family seeks. The counsel that guides them to create their own solutions.

I feel so much more empowered as a woman in taking this approach. You wouldn't think that would happen. One would think that by giving up the need to take control, you would feel helpless. Instead, I feel fortunate. I am fortunate to stand back and let my children BE Empowered. After all, it was never my control to have.

A Precious Gift

Our yard is often filled with wildlife. Although I have yet to see a deer in our yard, we have seen many a rabbit, squirrel, fox, groundhog, chipmonk, hawk, songbird, starling, raven and occasional coyote. The deer are around as well, I've just never seen one in the yard.

It's not uncommon to witness new additions to these wildlife families either. We see baby squirrels playing all round the house each year, as well as many, many baby rabbits. We can sit and watch them play for hours...me and the cat in the window. Night-y dreams of one day encountering those fast little fur-balls face to face, but alas, he was front declawed (for a face and eye touching fettish) and will not experience the outdoors unless it's in a cat carrier or he sneaks past me (only to be caught within seconds but that's a story for another blog).

Now Pearl, on the other hand, is an inside-outside cat. Unfortunately, she usually gives me the opportunity to see these young (and sometimes adult) critters first hand - as an offering from the huntress on the porch. :-/ Instincts win - even when the food bowl is full. Her hunting ability has caused me to cradle more infant wildlife as they take their last breath (or me trying to give them another breath) than I care to list. She apparently has a job and does it well.

Until last night, I hadn't interacted with a healthy baby bunny. This one was adorable! We watched it playing around our spruce tree as the mother wondered about - anywhere from 3-25 feet away. Of course, I grabbed the camera and started looking for a shot. There wasn't one from inside the house, so I quietly opened the patio door and went outside. The mother saw me and didn't seem to mind. I took some shots that were still just too far away so I decided to try and get a little closer so that I could zoom in on the little buggar. I started slowly walking towards the area I last saw him/her in and as the mother went under the tree, I spotted him playing in the grass, looking right at me.

I started to take a picture and the little guy either wanted to pose for the camera, or just got tuckered out. He actually let me pet the top of his head and didn't mind at all. He was absolutely adorable. I took a couple of shots that were blurry, but one did come out pretty well. Once he got back up to play, he went in under the tree and it was too dark to capture him again.

I sent the baby and mother reiki and some protection (Pearl!) and hope to see them and get more shots again soon.

I am taking the me course and passing - I hope.

Don't psycho-analyze yourself so much!
What?
What else would a Saggittarius woman do? That's my job. I do it well. Piss off.

I appreciate the words that come from a loving place that does not want me to judge myself harshly, but seriously - how else will I grow into my authentic self? If I don't stop and take stock of where I am, how the hell will I know where I am going?

So, this is what I do. I analyze. I sit with myself and determine who I am so that I can imagine who I will be....

And so the story goes....